How can a Nnewi man like me, work under a woman?

What will my people say if they hear that I do chores at home?

You are barren, if you can't give your husband a child in 3 years.

How can you call yourself a man if you cry , just because you are hurt

The pain of vagina delivery is what makes you a mother.

 Are you wondering what all of these statements above mean? These are the statements that have controlled the lives of humans for a long time. That is what has been making our decisions for us and sending us into paths that are not meant for us. They are statements that have made and destroyed the lives of a lot of people. They are often termed as" what people will say"

A lot of times in life, we are faced with challenges that defile the order of our societies and we are not allowed to seek help or talk about them because the society has stringent rules and regulations that different genders have to follow and these are termed societal norms and cultures.

 We often get stuck when we try to figure things out on our own and thus we come under a lot of mental stress to figure a way out of our challenges to avoid the judgment of the society.

 What society has failed to do is to individualize each of us and our capacity to handle life troubles. Society gives a blanket rule and solution to everything. We ourselves also put ourselves at disadvantage by not challenging the  unhealthy beliefs of society. We also adopt it to judge and scrutinize ourselves and others. We don't give any allowance for mistakes and failure. We become myopic and judge based on our circumstances, making it difficult even for ourselves to prove that we can be remodeled and not condemned by what life has thrown at us.

 Speaking up when you are hurt or crying when you need to, doesn't make you weak.

What will people say, should not push you to commit suicide because you have lost your job and your money.

How can a graduate, do a menial job should not be what will make your family go to bed hungry.

I don't want to be termed a witch, should not be what will compel you to lose your job and your confidence after the death of a husband or a spouse.

I want to be a real man who is respected in society and should not drive you into doing Yahoo or fraud.

 People judging and laughing at you should not make you stay in an abusive marriage or  relationship as a man of a woman.

 What makes you who you are, is your uniqueness that God and not the society has given you and the best way to preserve that is to do what truly works for you and for you to speak up and seek help, when you are finding it difficult to get your footing in life. 


Adewale Tolani oluwaseun © 2022

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