How to Help a Friend Who Talks About Killing Themself

Bayo died last night. I found him holding a bottle of sniper in his room when I went to talk about our final exams. I thought it was a prank, so I said “Alaye you dey craze? Na sniper you dey use whine me”. Bayi didn't respond. He was cold and his eyes were staring straight at the ceiling, blackened by the lack of ventilation in the room that doubled as our kitchen space. He was lifeless.

Bayo killed himself last night.

I haven't processed that information yet. They told me to stop screaming, but I don't remember what my voice sounds like. Bayo’s baritone laughter keeps replaying in my head. He was happy. We were happy. He was going to Lagos by morning. This was a prank. Or was it?

How You Can Help
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is preventable, and there are effective ways to support someone who is struggling. Here are five critical steps you can take to help a friend who talks about suicide:

1. Ask Directly
Don’t be afraid to ask the tough question: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Many people worry that bringing up suicide might encourage the person to act on it, but research shows this is not true. Instead, asking directly can provide relief and open the door to a meaningful conversation.

2. Be There and Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply be present. Listen attentively, without offering quick fixes or dismissing their pain. Studies suggest that acknowledging and talking about suicidal thoughts can actually reduce the risk of acting on them. Let them know they are not alone.

3. Help Keep Them Safe
If your friend is considering suicide, it’s important to reduce their access to highly lethal means. Ask if they have a plan, and if possible, help them remove or secure dangerous items like medications, sharp objects, or firearms. Creating a safety plan can help them get through moments of crisis.

4. Connect Them to Professional Help
You don’t have to handle this alone. Encourage them to seek support from a mental health professional, crisis hotline, or trusted family member. In Nigeria, you can reach out to the following resources:

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) – Call: +234 809 111 6264, 08111680686 (mentallyaware.org)

5. Follow Up and Stay Connected
Suicide prevention doesn’t end with one conversation. Check in on your friend regularly, even after the crisis has passed. A simple text or call—“Hey, I just wanted to see how you’re doing today”—can remind them that they are valued and supported. Studies show that ongoing contact can significantly lower the risk of suicide.

Suicide is not just a statistic—it’s real, and it takes away people we love. If someone talks about ending their life, don’t ignore it. Listen. Show them they matter. Guide them to get help.

“If I had known what I know now, maybe Bayo would still be here. Maybe he would have taken his last exam with us today. Maybe he would have walked across the graduation stage with pride.

But it’s too late for him. It doesn’t have to be too late for your friend.”

- Be the person who listens. You could save a life.